What's that ringing in my ears?

These are a few of the albums I'm loving at the moment, and some of the reasons why; no apologies for length, I want to do these justice!

1) Mumford & Sons- Sigh No More

This album is one that took a while for me to start to enjoy. At first I thought it a bit 'samey' with a lack of the type of journeying that I love to hear in an album. However, like a good mature cheese, Mumford & Son's charm became inescapable. Firstly there's Marcus Mumford's uniquely refreshing voice. Sandy and rough in tone but right on-the-money melodically. No Dylan-esque slurring here, just clear as day presentation with real emotional clarity. The album has a real 'vibe' that's very hard to explain or summarise. It's organic I suppose. Upright piano, banjo, acoustic guitar, tambourine and so on. These instruments are not synthetic, but go straight into the mic, into the mix and into the ears. It's refreshing in the current music culture that includes a great deal of computerised sonic constituents.

This album has it all for me. Honesty, rich organic sound, great vibe, emotional depth, great vocal harmonies, some potent and provocative lyrics, (like "Awake my soul...for you were meant to meet your maker"), foot stomping drums, and hoe-down like outbursts of intensity. It evokes Autumnal imagery for me. I can almost smell the wood-smoke when that banjo gets going! (Maybe I'm just weird!)

2) Phoenix- Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

This album is my first introduction to French band Phoenix, and i decided to give it a listen after seeing them perform live on the Conan O' Brian show. I loved the guitars in the track 1901 and thought the musicianship was consummate. The album has a nice energy to it. It doesn't twist your arm and shout at the listener, but is punchy in a more welcoming way. It's the kind of music you hear in mobile-phone adverts and maybe that's a downside, however it moves along nicely with a combination of more conventional sound (some of it reminds me of 'The Thrills') and more typically French excursions into electronica based songs. They have struck the appropriate balance between the two really nicely...

Highlights are 1901, Lisztomania, and Lasso. All of which have particularly nice guitar harmonies!

3) Imogen Heap - Ellipse

I have been somewhat captivated by her INTENSELY RICH sound for quite a few years now, and her newest album is no exception. In some ways it is like a more mature expression of what she has already done. A little less poppy, and with lyrical content that doesn't sound so much like a column in a teen-girl mag. Heap's sound is so stunning for so many reasons. The de-essed, breathy, delay sound of her vocals is always haunting, and the attention to detail in the arrangements is staggering. There is so much going on, so many little details, punctuations, samples, manipulated sounds etc that all go to form her technicolor sound. It has a breathtaking depth. Somehow this complex myriad of sounds never sounds crowded and messy. Her talent as a singer, producer, sound engineer, programmer, etc all culminate in a beautiful album. It is sufficiently varied from track to track, and the songs thankfully follow the same trends as her previous work (vocoders, intricately programmed rhythms, the symbiosis of acoustic and electronic, intriguing lyrics).

She is the master of all things original, a talent owed to her passion for recording the most obscure sound sources and manipulating them beyond recognition with her shocking aptitude for all things technical. There are sounds whose sources you would NEVER recognise unless told. (Some of the bass in the song "2-1" is from a recording of a jaw harp, and the high hats are actually a trumpet player tapping the keys against the valves)

From 'Earth' which sounds like a Bobby McFerrin tribute, to 'The Fire' a wonderfully organic interjection in an otherwise electronic album and a song that showcases what should be the benchmark for sound engineers who want to know what recording a piano should sound like, this album is just so brilliant. It's haunting, quirky, ethereal and inexpressably rich. One that you could listen to forever and hear new things each time. Spectacular.

4) John Mayer- Continuum

Obviously this album is nothing new, but in a sense that's why it's on this list. While it's fairly well known and old by now, it is still on my most-played list. It really does live up to its title. This album has a durability that means I could probably listen to it once a day for the rest of my life. It's a desert Island disc gem. With about 50 times more depth than any of his other albums, Continuum is a fantastic collection of songs. 'Belief' while perhaps being a little contrived lyrically, is musically one of the best songs ever pieced together. It is an arrangement of riffs, rhythm and melody that simply works so coherently. It is SO palatable to the ears to hear all the parts of the arrangement flowing together; it genuinely brings me pleasure every time. I love Mayer's slightly graveled voice, his classic Strat-through a Vox guitar tone, and the authenticity with which the songs come across gives it the depth lacking in other efforts of wannabe Blues/pop artists.

'The Heart of Life' has a melody that would make even McCartney jealous, and 'Stop This Train' moves and journeys in such a pleasing way, opening up perfectly at the Mid8 and containing the ideal guitar pulse all the way through, imbuing the notion of momentum that any song with a train/journey theme should carry.

5) Thomas Newman- 'Road to Perdition' (movie soundtrack)

I have loved this album for years, and am perhaps one of Newman's biggest fans. This is another album that rarely strays far from my eardrums. Like all his music, this soundtrack features his unique and original use of instruments in a way entirely unconventional. Clarinets blown so hard that they sound altogether more ghostly (the opening of 'Finn McGovern") and out of tune mandolin ("Meet Maguire")

While those sounds are the 'dark side' of Newman's music (this is after all a movie full of bloodshed and terror!) there is another side of his music, the side that most attracted me to it initially. Thomas Newman writes strings like no other composer-ever. I cannot put my finger on how he does it, but I think it's all in the harmonic voicing. The use of harmony and it's particular appropriation by the string section is absolutely beautiful. Listen to the strings in the opening track "1931" to get what I'm talking about. This string sound is essentially Newman's trademark, and you'll recognise it in American Beauty, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and more. Incredibly rich and so emotive.

The second Newman trademark is the delicate, almost nervous use of piano alongside these strings. The best example from this soundtrack is in the piece 'Ghosts' which incidentally accompanies my favourite scene in cinematic history. It echoes the imagery so immaculately. Anyway back to the point, the piano. It normally comes in a very small way, very slight and fragile. It's again a particular and consistent voicing approach that Newman has hit upon (namely a simple two or three part harmony, in the top half of the keyboard) that just works so well and has such huge impact for me. (Funny that it is the tiny sound that makes the biggest statement). It's the sound of the famous title track from American Beauty and the crushingly poignant piece that accompanies old Brooks's departure from Shawshank prison in The Shawshank Redemption that I'm referring to. When you hear it you'll know what I mean. Breathtakingly tragic.

Anyway that's all for now, if you've read this far. I've enjoyed trying to figure out what it is about some of this music that really hits the spot. Like analysis of anything artistic, often it raises appreciation. I only urge you to get online and check out some of this music for yourselves.

TTFN.

Jane Austen talks rubbish...

Well well well...It is the month of September in the year 2009 (I say eye-rubbing in astonishment) and life is swimming along at a speed that would put even Michael Phelps to shame. It's a good pace though for someone that has just finished University and got married and is looking for the next phase of life to arrive. The question is; will the next phase suddenly reveal itself like a nudist at a football game, or am I going to have to continue clambering about searching for my vocation through the mists of my own uncertainty and indecision? Either way, life at the moment sort of feels like being in limbo...(on the job front at least)

The question of what career I end up with will of course be an answered one eventually, and my only hope is that the answer becomes clear sooner rather than later. Aside from job uncertainties, the jigsaw pieces that formulate my life are very much falling into place. In the last few months (as you may know from my last blog entry) I entered the sacred, privileged place for men that have received extra amounts of undeserved favour; marriage. I say that having been married to my beautiful wife for almost 2 months now; I can honestly say that every passing minute has been a total thrill. We had the most perfect wedding day imaginable; surreal, magical and memorable. Our friends and family from all over the place descended on Brighton in huge numbers (I think we had about 350-400 guests at the service!) and made our day so special. (P.s. A lifetime of thanks to anyone reading this that had any role to play whatsoever on our big day)

Our honeymoon was incredible too, going to the Maldives was a perpetuation of the surreal nature of life post-wedding day. Snorkeling with wild turtles, sharks and fish resplendent in colours inconceivable was something I won't forget soon. The stars were astoundingly bright and vivid too...

Despite the extensive effects of a transition from bachelorhood to marriage, I have found it to be a remarkably and surprisingly smooth and natural one. Waking up next to my wife felt instantly normal. Being married has felt instantly natural and good, and I can say with absolute authority that life as a husband is categorically better than life as a single. I endorse it heartily and would strongly encourage any single man reading this to chase after a bride with vigour and determination. It is SO worth it.

The daily learning of patience (for work opportunities), trust (for the financial horizon), dependancy (for the financial current!) and the real meaning of sacrificial love (an almost essential requisite for a newlywed husband) is the highway of discovery my wife and I travel upon at the moment. Sometimes it feels like we're cruising and somedays it feels like were in desperate need of a fill up before things can continue. In both circumstances the proof is in the pudding; that God is trustworthy, worth depending on for all things, and the perfect demonstrator of the kind of sacrificial love needed for any marriage to work. Jane Austen once said, "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance". This statement is, in a few choice words, a desperately misunderstood pile of farmyard swill. Never have I come across such a mistaken interpretation of marriage. I would respectfully amend Austen's pithy Wildean witticism with my own slightly less quotable version; "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of hard work, sacrifice and the following of a perfect example laid down by a perfect saviour".

Back soon. I'm off to be with my wife instead of my Macbook.

The tying of the knot.

In just over 7 weeks I am getting married! 

It's a surreal, exciting, amazing, mind blowing, life defining, earth shatteringly significant thing. I feel like a man. A grown up. An adult. A leader. I'm preparing to be husband to a wife, which is a massive, humungous and stunning thing. I am no longer a student, I am pursuing a career, looking for a home, and getting married. Yet I still feel that the boyish, wide-eyed scamp of a lad that dreamt of one day finding my princess and marrying her isn't too far behind me. I vividly remember so much of my childhood. My thoughts, my ambitions, my mind ticking over, my desires, the things I pined over, innocence... As a 21 year old, I suppose it isn't so long ago at all. But here we are. Rebekah, the girl of my dreams and hopes was thrust inescapably before me. She was the one. I began to realise it quickly, and had every intention of marrying her before I even asked her on a date. I found her, or rather, she was given to me. This woman, my best friend, is going to be my wife in a very short space of time. Wow. 

The more I think about it, the more I realise the folly of assuming or declaring that I am as prepared for marriage as I can possibly be. I'm not sure that such a thing could ever be said, and it was encouraging to hear the great teacher John Hosier recently talk of his shortcomings as a husband, even after 40 years of marriage and a life characterised by intense biblical understanding and Christlikeness. John Piper is another hero of the faith that talks openly of his failures and issues maritally speaking. Still, I am doing as much as I can to prepare, reading, studying, doing marriage preparation and prayer together as a couple, regulating my attitude, my patience, my selflessness and my humility. I normally fail in these pursuits, but my hope is that I will improve and that my acute awareness and a frank evaluation of my shortcomings is probably the best place to start on the road to becoming a better husband. As they say, "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step!"

So there is a month and a half to go, a wedding to finish planning, a job to be chased after, a house to be found, and the deepening and weighty sense of the responsibilities I must find the strength to carry. The next season in my life is one in which my shoulders must broaden. My integrity and earnestness must hold fast, my relationship with Jesus and my understanding of God's word must grow and inform all that i do and say and think. This isn't a dress rehearsal. The curtain is about to go up. Show-time. Bring it on. 

To write once more

Here I am once more, after quite a while and an insanely busy month or two...It's been a crazy time and it feels great to be able to find a spare bit of time to blurt and ramble and externalise some of my thoughts for the benefit of my own inner well-being and whoever else might be interested (as yet, that's not many!) 

Since I last posted, a great many things have happened, some fun, some not so fun, but all part of the great adventure of life and all opportunities for growth and the development of my character. It's all too much to put in one posting but i'll hopefully get around to it all eventually. 

The biggest transition of recent times is that I have completed my University Degree! After 17 years in the British Educative machine, I have finally been spat out and flung into the 'real world' (as it's so often and repugnantly referred to by those no longer studying) I'm not sure yet how I really feel about it...It's a strange mixture of emotions. I certainly feel some relief that the intense all day-everyday dissertation writing is now at an end, but the sense of direction and purpose (education) that has characterised my entire life thus far has also been removed, leaving me with the question; what next? Having lived in a constant state of preparation for the next set of formal assessments, it's a strange thing to no longer have any on the horizon. 

 The final 4 weeks of term have been really intense and stressful, spending little time with my fiancee and much time staring ineffectually at the computer screen, fueled by coffee and the advancing deadline. But- it's all over now and it was a joy handing over a huge heavy wadge of paper knowing that i'd worked by butt off to finish in time. If it were possible to somehow quantify the cumulative effects of  formal education on me as a person, my skills, my abilities and my personality, i'd be interested to see the results. Maybe I'll have the faintest idea one day.  

Now my attention must turn to getting a job and finding a flat, because I get married in 8 weeks! The way I feel about all that is probably best left for another day as it's getting late...lets just say; it's all VERY exciting!

Will be back soon!

Ta ta for now. 

Short Hiatus...

Not that anyone follows my blog (!), but if you've noticed that I havn't blogged at any length recently, as I am experiencing the passage in life that all who undergo a University degree must endure; 3rd year finals...I finish in about 4 weeks and am looking forward to blogging my brains out with all the wicked things that have been going on recently!! 

See you in 4 weeks...is there anybody out there in the dark abyss?

On why I love Brighton.

Here's a shortlist of things that make Brighton the city that I am in love with.

CCK-The best church in the world. I want it to be famous in the city of Brighton.

My fiancee-She lives in Brighton too. 

Brightonians-The weirdest, most colourful collection of freaks since the Muppet show.

The Sea-I've always wanted to live by the water. Love being able to walk to the beach and watch the waves.

The weather-Is warmer and drier than it is in Wales!

The South Lanes/North Laine-Quirky, quaint, interesting and full of great places to grab some food or drink! (cuz that's what counts!)

The Royal Pavillion-Prince Regents beach apartment looks amazing.

The West Pier-A burnt down, haunting historical reminder of Brighton's victorian past.

Devil's Dyke-A beauty spot with an incredible view and a great pub. Me and Bex come here alot!

Georgian architecture-The regency style buildings throughout the city really get my imagination going, I love pondering the history of the city, who lived in the houses all those years ago.

The Culture-Brightonian culture is so unique, so individual, so creative and intriguing. 

These are just a few! 

A weekend of total hurricane busyness and deep forest quiet.

Yaaaawwwwnnnn.

Man I'm tired! What a weekend! It's been an insane blend of manic, stressful mania followed by serene calm and peace. Talk about one extreme to the other.

On friday night we recorded our bit of the new CCK album. We were at the building all day, working on backing vocals, setting up equipment, sound-checking and rehearsing for the live recording in the evening. The session we had turned out to be short and really intense. Stuart Townend had just recorded and we got on stage and played through the songs, having to repeat some of them because of technical issues or mistakes from the band...It was intense, stressful, and mentally exhausting. Playing keys and singing is one thing, but somehow the added tension of being recorded for an album that will be heard by thousands of people all over the world made things a little bit more interesting! The 30 minutes on stage getting those songs were 30 of the most draining minutes that i've had in a long time!

Then it was time to quickly exchange some computer files with Bex (who btw did an amazing job singing on the album, check it out when the album is released!) and swap our computers for a week. (I'm posting this on her iMac rather than my Macbook) before an emotional goodbye. She is away in Wales at a conference with Phatfish, and we won't be seeing much of each other for the next few weeks. This is a hard thing when marriage is 3 months away!) I on the other headed home to pack for a weekend in Sweden and a stag weekend in the forests near Fellingsbro. We departed at 2am and so It was a race to get some sleep before the flight....The sleep never came.

Having travelled to Stansted airport, attempting to sleep in the car (the sleep still wasn't happening!) and still exhausted from a full and intense day before, we got on board the cramped and swelteringly warm flight to Stockholm. The chances of sleeping on that flight, despite exhaustion were slim, largely due to the sauna like temperature on board and the amount of legroom, which I'm convinced must be unlawful. The Fraggles would struggle to get comfy on that plane. We arrived in Sweden in the early hours of the morning and made the drive to where were staying, in the woods near the home of some friends that Mark, (the stag) had become friends with. Staying awake on sheer adrenaline, we were served Elk meat (by a gentle giant of a man called Per Andersson) for lunch. That's when it caught up with me that I was no longer in Brighton. After lunch it became clear that sleep was not on the cards until that night, and so it would be another whole day until sleep came...

To speed up this account somewhat, here are some key elements that the remainder of the day and weekend consisted of;

More elk meat, a military tent and wood stove, snow, camping on the ground in the dense forest of Sweden amidst elk, lynx, and even wolves, a barbecue, an evening of coffee and swedish beer and laughter lit only by a nearby campfire, whisky, some sleep interrupted by my hour shift of fire-watch, a tramp through some Swedish wilderness accompanied by an epic snowball fight, the meeting of us English city lads with a true viking of a man (who looked like a character from an Asterix comic!) who introduced us to his bow and arrow collection (I spent most of the first afternoon honing my long bow skills, and completely fell in love with the feeling of firing arrows from this primitive weapon in the middle of a snowy Scandinavian paradise), more Elk meat, some whisky, an hour spent chopping firewood with an axe, a look around a hundred-year old house full of ancient Swedish artifacts  (not a museum, a real old house that has been left for decades untouched), a visit to the town of Orebro and some more great Swedish coffee, and ALOT of camaraderie with some great guys. The contrast of life there in the forest and life in England was totally inescapable.

The time in Sweden was amazing. The absence of phones, the internet and any technology whatsoever, was replaced with a profoundly serene encounter with the Earth that we live on. We got wet with snow, muddy, smokey from the amount of wood we burned, sore fingered from the hours spent playing with real bow and arrows, we were confronted with the elements, forced to accommodate the cold, but wonderfully confronted with the serenity of life in the middle of nowhere. The stars in the sky were brighter and more numerous than i've ever seen. It was glorious. The forest was beautiful, peaceful and completely convincing. In that I mean to say that the forest and the wilderness is the real thing, not concerned with Google or The Apprentice, having no time for materialism and noise. It reminded that there really is more to life on this planet than the shallow lives we fall into living in Western culture. 

In the forest where we camped, television, education, money and all the other unfortunate vices of civilization became entirely irrelevant and totally trivial. I felt strongly that God wanted me to come away feeling a sense of peace and refreshing that will equip me for the manic things that go on in Brighton. He really spoke to me again about finding time to escape the pressures of this age, finding a place of serenity in which to meet him, a place where the noise of life is gone, where his voice can be heard, no longer drowned out by everything and everyone else that I get distracted by.

Finally, the weekend got me very excited about my pending marriage. Being with Mark a few weeks before his wedding and thinking about how he has been so incredibly blessed, really etched a feeling deep onto my spirit just how unbelievably blessed I am as well. I too have a wonderful wedding to look forward to very soon, a beautiful and wonderful fiancee, a great church, great friends to support us, and a great city to call home. 

I brought home some Elk meat (and reindeer too!) just to keep my feet on the ground until it runs out! 

The most offensive message in history...

So...I’ve been provoked. Here goes. Apologies in advance.

 

I got carried away reading on the internet obituaries of the recently deceased Jade Goody, and also the Facebook page for two young teens from a school in the town in which I grew up who recently died in a gassing accident...Many of the comments left on these pages included people (friends, family, acquaintances) saying things like; "your with the angels now", "keep looking down on us from up there", "we're glad you're in a better place", (etc, you get the idea, you've all read this sort of thing before)...We’ve all see this kind of leaning towards a pseudo-spiritual awareness often in obituaries. If Jade and the two boys I mentioned didn’t ever put their faith in Jesus, (I don’t know for sure either way) then the truth is that they ARE NOT in heaven at all. They aren’t ‘resting in peace’, they aren’t ‘in a better place’ and all those well meaning and sentimental comments left by friends and family are in fact inappropriate and incongruent with reality. Offended? So were the blokes that crucified Jesus.

 

These obituary comments really intrigue me, and it would seem that they are indicative of a British (and perhaps global) tendency to suddenly assume a religiosity that appears only when a loved one dies, or say, when a baby gets Christened. The compulsion of otherwise complete pagans to swiftly affect the behavior of a person who does believe in heaven, hell, God, an afterlife etc is something that intrigues and, if I'm brutally honest, infuriates me. The countless friends who I know that have rejected God, expressed their staunch atheistic stance, and told me in no uncertain terms exactly what they think of Church and God (with expletives and raised voices!), are often the very same people who write the aforementioned spiritually infused obituaries, or who heartily approve of infant Christening in a purely religious context. This kind of fickle, religious hypocrisy is frankly baffling. In our age of The Times newspaper and Question time, many are vying to be affiliated with those enlightened to ‘the truth’ that God is nonsensical. Yet the very same people still go to Church on Christmas Day, and get their loved ones blessed in a church funeral service. Why is that? What I don't intend to do in this entry is come across as a sanctimonious preachy know-it-all, because ultimately we're all totally, miserably lost and confused without Jesus (and I'm no better than the worst). But I would like to submit that the Bible has quite a lot to say about this kind of thing...and most of it's actually quite negative.

 

...God hates religion. He hates it. He despises the self-righteous, he rejects piety, those who so wrongly assume that God’s favour can be appeased by an annual visit to Church for midnight mass. Perhaps to the surprise of some is that God could ever feel hatred. Well he does. The Bible is really really clear about this. Talking about this facet of God’s character is very unpopular, essentially because it make us uncomfortable with our own behaviour. In Isaiah, the Bible describes our righteous works as ‘a filthy rag’ (other translations have interpreted the text as ‘used menstrual cloths’) Either way, God clearly doesn’t like religiosity!

 

Amos 5;21 is even more clear; “I hate, I despise your feasts, and take no delight in your solemn assemblies…I will not accept your peace offerings…take away the noise of your songs…to your melodies I will not listen”. The context for this passage is that for the first time in generations, Israel is experiencing peace. It becomes a materialistic nation in which luxuries are readily available. (sound familiar?!) Amid this peace and prosperity, one lone voice, Amos, scrapes like fingers on a blackboard. Amos, the simple farmer, is addressing the people with plenty of ‘religion’. They went to shrines for worship and looked forward to ‘the day of the Lord’ when God would fulfill all their expectations. Amos brings unexpected, offensive news from God; namely that he hated their religiosity amidst such hedonism and materialism. (A materialism that came at the expense of the poor and oppressed) Their belief in him was purely ritualistic and ceremonial.

 

In the spirit of the Amos the farmer, and to attempt to draw a conclusion from this rant, I would like to submit two considerations;

 

1)  1) That Great Britain is in the same state as post-war Israel. We are still a country steeped in religiosity and the imperialism of ‘high church’ culture amidst selfish, hedonistic materialistic Western ideals. Despite ever increasing atheism, ceremonial Christianity is rife. Infant Christenings are common. Belief in God in this nation comes only when and if it is needed. The people of Britain possess a startlingly capricious disposition when it comes to God.

 

      2) That Jesus Christ alone is the solution. Jesus brings peace between sinful hypocrites and a God who hates our superficial offerings. He died and brought an end to eternal punishment for sin for anyone willing to receive it. God’s grace and mercy has come to us through him. Deep down I am exactly the same as the sort of people that Amos warns so starkly. I get caught up in our culture, our films, our music, our materialism and our hedonism. I go to church and worship God but often without the sort of radical heart of justice and humility that I should have. My attitude is often wrong. My actions are often appalling, and I probably slip in religiosity more than I care to even acknowledge. But I know that despite this, God sees me as perfect, purely because of the fact that I’m hidden in the shadow of the Cross. My filth is punished and dealt with, with Jesus taking the hit instead of me. This reality, this offer, is available to all people everywhere. I want to be a Christian who demonstrates real genuine patience and grace towards all people, particularly the superficial, insincere religious attitudes that I find so frustrating.

 

I want to shock people out of the naïve, illusory notion that being ‘Christened’ somehow guarantees a child’s ticket to heaven; IT DOESN’T….Or that attending Church once in a while will cover you; IT WONT. I want everyone to grasp and realise the simplicity that only belief and faith in Jesus’ accomplishment on the Cross WILL guarantee eternal life. Nothing else. 

Spring has Sprung!!

With Spring firmly on the way, and in light of the recent beautiful weather, I thought i'd post one of my favourite bits of poetry about nature, wildlife, the joy of being in God's creation, the sights, smells and sounds of a walk through the countryside on a Spring day. Keats was a master of evocation, his words have a wonderfully ambrosial quality, you can almost smell and hear and taste what he describes. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown 
Through verdurous glooms and winding mossy ways.

I cannot see what flowers are at my feet, 
Nor what soft incense hangs upon the boughs, 
But, in embalmed darkness, guess each sweet 
Wherewith the seasonable month endows 
The grass, the thicket, and the fruit-tree wild; 
White hawthorn, and the pastoral eglantine; 
Fast fading violets cover’d up in leaves; 
And mid-May’s eldest child, 
The coming musk-rose, full of dewy wine, 
The murmurous haunt of flies on summer eves. 

John Keats (Ode to a Nightingale 1817)

The challenge and importance of solitude...

As you may or may not know (or care for that matter!) I am getting married in July this year. I am also in the closing stages of my Music degree and am still working a few days a week to make enough money to pay rent. Trying to deal with all this happening at once is a fun, challenging and exciting process! Life is awesome!! It's going really well, I'm feeling content, we're pretty organised in terms of wedding preparations, and the stress levels are something we make a conscious effort to maintain at a minimum. Amidst all this insanity though, there hasn't been an abundance in opportunity for solitude; Time spent alone with my thoughts, time in prayer, time to reflect on my identity in Christ. 

Piper says; We simply can't maintain a radical God-centeredness under an unbroken barrage of human interaction. The depth and value of what you bring in your heart to other people will depend on what you do with your solitude". 

Trying to find a place of solitude is hard sometimes. It's so valuable though. I have really learned recently the problems that arise when I get too entangled with the constant noise and traffic of the world and it's fast pace and busyness. Me and Bex recently resolved to make sure we get this time of peace, quiet and solitude that I had been so desperately lacking. I had been clinging too hard to the worldly things I'm involved in, afraid of letting them go to put God first, without realising that time with him is paramount, causing all other things to fall into their proper place. Time spent in His word realigns my perspective on all other aspects of life. Not only that, but it realigns my heart soul and mind to approach and live out my days with a better attitude, seeing more fruit than I did when I held tight to things other than God. 

The hymn writer James Thompson wrote these incredible words that sum all this up amazingly;    

                       

Hail, mildly pleasing solitude,

Companion of the wise and good:

Oh! how I love with thee to walk,

And listen to thy whisper'd talk,

Which innocence, and truth imparts,

And melts the most obdurate heart  

When the things that I'm doing (wedding plans, Uni work, Church ministry, seeing friends, making money, etc) become a distraction enough that the radiance of Jesus is blocked, it becomes like closing the curtains on the sun . The peace can no longer shine through all this traffic that I've put in place. In the darkness I wallow, losing the ability to see things clearly. My spiritual discernment is damaged, and like a mole in a tunnel, my eyes become accustomed to the dark. I begin to live as though this is the natural state.

 Resolving to seek more solitude, more time with God is like opening the curtains again. The light is blinding! Suddenly I am no longer fumbling my way around, trying to make everything work in the darkened conditions. Life has a clarity, a clearness. It is easier. I receive peace, strength and joy. The airwaves are clear again to hear God's correction, direction, purpose and love for me. God, the rock of ages, cleft for me, lets me hide myself in him. Like astronauts in a shuttle pod, I am enveloped in this place of security amidst immense pressure and hostility. I would be overwhelmed with the worries of this age, if I didn't have this place of solitude, security and protection.

The psalmist declares that; He makes me lie in pastures green, quiets me beside still waters and once in that place; He restores my soul.....Its significant that the Bible puts things in that order. We must be quiet, ready to listen in order that we can hear His voice. 

25 things about me;

 Having read Luke Davydaitis’ recent post, I thought I would do the same. Here’s my self indulgent, horribly arrogant list of facts about me.

 1)       Having been born and raised in Wales, I do speak some Welsh. I have absolutely no entrenched jingoistic tendencies however.

 2)       I have never been particularly interested in football, despite the proclivity of the rest of mankind, who, for some reason, are.

 3)       I once walked straight into a highly polished patio door assuming it was an open passageway. Acutely and painfully embarrassing.

 4)       In my opinion, one of the most invigorating things to do on this lovely Earth is to sit atop a powerful jet ski and speedily traverse a stretch of Open Ocean. So. Much. Fun.

 5)       I once composed a piece of music that was played at the opening of the Welsh Opera house in Cardiff. Baritone Bryn Terfel told me he enjoyed it. Won’t be forgetting that moment.

 6)       I love cars. I go giddy at the sight of a powerful Italian sports car but become instantly filled with the agonizing and sinking feeling that I will never own or so much as drive, sit in, go near, or even smell the inside of an automobile of such calibre.

 7)       When I was 11, I was blinded in one eye for several months after an accident on bonfire night in which a blank bullet exploded and the shrapnel tore its merciless path through my left eyeball. True story. Scary times.

 8)       Speaking of horrendous injuries, my right foot was once impaled on the top of a spike, after I attempted to climb over a locked park gate. With sharp bits sticking up. Probably the most painful thing ever.

 9)       Some of my fondest memories as a child involve pouring over airfix models of wartime aircraft, and an 18^th Century galleon. Complete with cannons. Awesome.

 10)  I’m a bluff old traditionalist. See previous blog entry for details.

 11)   The home I grew up in (in Wales) was once a 19^th century, watermill powered wool factory.

 12)   The first live gig I ever went to was Sting at Cardiff Castle. It was brilliant. I’ve seen Eric Clapton live and got bored. That said, Music is a profound and deeply significant source of joy to me.

 13)   As a VERY YOUNG child, I did tap dancing and country dancing. As anyone who has known me since the 90s will testify, I did not pursue either.

 14)   I have 100% found the princess that I grew up dreaming about. I marry her in July and get to spend my life with her. Praise Jesus.

 15)   I would love to spend a good stint of my life somewhere other than the UK. Maybe the U.S. or Canada. We’ll see.

 16)   I have saved my younger brothers life twice. Something I will continue to use as a bargaining chip with him!

 17)   As a boy, I imagined playing the piano in front of my school assembly and thought that would be so cool. Last year I played in front of about 13,000 people in the space of a month. I have learned that it’s for an audience of one though. I’d rather play for God than a billion men any day.

 18)   I swam with dolphins and think it’s a bit over rated. Sorry.

 19)   Pear drops, sherbet-lemons and Welsh cakes are the taste of my childhood.

 20)  I have a canvas canoe that doesn’t get used. I have a wind-surfboard that doesn’t get used. I have a saxophone that doesn’t get played. I have books that I’ve never read and clothes that I’ve barely worn. I have so much junk.

 21)   I WILL see the Northern lights one day.

 22)  I wish I had started playing piano really, really young. Never mind.

 23)  The daily intake of Tea and Coffee will be one of the most important features of my life until the day I expire.

 24)  I know so little about this world. I think I should attempt to keep it that way in some regards. In others, I have a great deal yet to learn.

 25)  I am Samuel Mark Cox, born 1987 in South Wales. I have brown hair, eyes and ridiculously small ears.

A call for better mirrors.

The arts are amazing. Just amazing. The wealth of talent, skill and ability that pervade artistic endeavor the world over is just mind-blowing. The things that people can do these days, painting, sculpting, songwriting, computer-design and animation, photography and filmmaking have the capacity to completely inspire and often, totally beggar belief. For instance, there are musicians I have met over the years that can do seemingly superhuman things, applying their minds and fingers in such remarkable ways and with such speed, precision and creativity that my only response is to jaw-agapingly question how they possibly acquired such ability. For instance, to see a virtuoso at work is to witness a skill that supersedes the everyday notions of ‘talent’ that we so often encounter on our Saturday night X factor type programmes.

 From time to time we all come across art that makes us think "Wow. That's incredible". 

 The crux of this entry is that I have an increasing discontent with the quality of art that we in the western church produce and hence represent ourselves with to the watching world. Obviously that last statement is rather sweeping, and unfairly overlooks the few who are producing incredible art from regenerated hearts, passions, and creativity. Nevertheless, on the whole, we in the Western church are (in some ways) in a state of artistic naivety. Like apprentice painters, we proudly display our efforts not always realising that their are true masters out there, creating works that really are in another league. From where I’m looking, the old adage that “The devil has all the best music” is closer to the reality than we want to admit. We are still assuming that the music we make, the paintings we draw, the websites we design, and the art we produce is somehow on a creative par with what is happening at the cultural frontline.  This unfortunately, is not the case. The truth is that we need to begin to shift more of our attention, effort, energy and time to really become influential in culture, (rather than be so influenced by it) to really win people to Christ by demonstrating God-inspired artistic skill, ability and gifting. We have a funny but frustrating knack of becoming quickly outdated and left behind. This maligned world must know that people who follow Jesus are alive, our hearts and minds teeming with passion and creativity, inspired by a revelation of God. We are passionate, skilled, dedicated, and inspired to create wonderful art, great music, stunning sculpture etc. not inspired and induced by emotion, romance or drugs- but by the one thing that inspires more than anything else; a relationship with the One who created all things. 

 Now, your response to this might sound something like; “Cheer-up and stop complaining, it can’t all be that bad, besides your hardly the church’s answer to Michelangelo!...you miserable so and so”…A valid response this may be!! It’s true that this kind of musing could come across as a diary entry from Ebenezer himself, but I don’t want it to sound like a rant. I’m not a miser or a humbug I assure you…. And no, I’m not claiming to be the answer, but that shouldn’t nullify the validity of the contemplation. Its more of a yearning, a desire to issue a challenge for us all to at least try harder, to be better at what we put our hands to (Eccles 9:10), to get organized, to compete, to put energy, hard work, blood, sweat, tears and even money, into being great artists, musicians, designers and photographers that turn heads, that get attention, that impress, and in turn, inspire the rest of the world. My dream is that the world would feel the electric buzz of creativity coming from God’s people again.

 For too long, the world has regarded Christians as a beige collection of puny-armed, dreary, uninspired, lackluster, lifeless mopes with about as much glory as a BHS cardigan.  Unfortunately I am too often confronted with people (often our representatives in the media) that fulfill that sorry quota to the last degree. This false perception must be remedied at a swift rate. In other words I love ‘songs of praise’, but it drastically misrepresents the modern expression of Christianity that is quickly replacing the last one. The following quote from Stephen Fry is indicative of the way in which Christianity is offending people by failing to reflect the Glory of God. As people who truly believe in and have seen God, we must go to greater lengths to reflect him well in all we do; arts included.  Fry says "There was a time when he (God) had on his team people like Bach, Mozart, Michelangelo,  Leonardo, Raphael, Herbert, Swift and Wren: now he has awful, drippy wet smacks with no style, articulacy or majesty". Fry has clearly not been engaged with. And it's our fault, not his. 

The church will become even more irrelevant, outdated and unreflective of Gods glory if we continue to be lazy in our response to Jesus’ call upon us to engage with our culture. (“Go INTO the world” Mark16:15) Part of the problem is that we get so wrapped up trying to spend our lives figuring God out, that we forget to obey what he would have us do during our time on this planet. The real reason for this desire in me to see us improve as artists is not just so that we are 'hip and cool' but that we would draw attention to Jesus through our work. That we would obey his command to be salt and light; to be IN the world. 

 So please, lets take up our guitars, violins, sitars, microphones, drumsticks, paintbrushes, cameras, chisels, and laptops and start making art that seriously catches the attention of the vast swathes of lost people that have designated the church to nothing more than a weekly sing along with Aled Jones and that bird off Blue Peter. 

Spinning the plates of life...

These are busy times...As a third year University student, I have enough work to do to keep me very busy seven days a week. The other interesting thing about University is that it's so expensive that i take three out of those 7 days to earn enough money to pay the rent...Add to all that the craziness of planning a wedding, preparing mentally and spiritually for marriage, finding a house and a proper job and serving the church, practicing piano, cleaning the bathroom, reading the Bible, sorting out emails (and still having at least a few small moments to relax, sleep, drink coffee and wine and recharge), and it becomes a bit like an elaborate circus act in which I am the proverbial clown attempting to keep each of these plates from smashing to the floor through neglect.

"Why are you wasting your time blogging!?" I hear you cry. (Well I don't actually because no-one follows my blog!) That may be a valid question. Either way I am finding this whole season to be a rather dichotomous one. It's great, then it's terrible. It's blissfully exciting and then terrifyingly exhausting, sometimes in the same wheezing breath. It's like jogging back and and forth between cloud 9 and the seventh circle.

             Spinning plates is tiring. I am learning each day that i must enlist some help, allow people into my life to aid me in this daunting campaign. I also must lean on a massively important doctrinal truth;

1)That God is for me and not against me, that he plans to prosper me, carry me, bless me and show favour towards me. I have grace upon grace and a place to go to find peace and security amidst the terrors of life. 

I must just reiterate something before drawing this entry to it's conclusion; 

Life is incredible. I love it. Despite the exhaustion, the stress and the insanity, there is laughter, fun, blessing, and profound, inexplicable joy. I am not complaining whatsoever. I am more blessed than I thought it possible to be blessed. I have such a deep sense of pleasure in each passing day and am loving this process of learning how to be a good steward of my spinning plates. Hopefully I will one day be skilled enough to help others learn the same lessons that i have learned.

The gentleman's manifesto

This particular entry is pretty much an irrelevant rambling of my own harbored yearning to have been born 100 years ago into high society. It reveals in me a terrible fondness for material things and a snobbishness that isn't welcome in today's society. Oh well. I'm only human. 

 I'm here to admit that I have a bit of a soft spot for the finer things in life, those things that help a man to feel like he is actually a gentlemen, an aristocrat even.  Now i'm of course aware that I am still in my twenties and so surely am too young to appreciate these things with the maturity of a 50 year old, but honestly, please believe me, I just love indulging in the things designed for gentlemen to be reassured that they are indeed gentlemen...Sadly, many of the 'finer things' are now largely archaic, old fashioned, of a bygone age and seem out of place in the 21st Century. This is a great shame. Any fans of P.G. Wodehouse or Conan Doyle will know what I am talking about. Here are some examples just to illustrate my point;

 So you get the point; in decades and centuries past, there was an appreciation for opulence and class that has somewhat changed...The term 'Classy' no longer denotes a gent with a good tweed, striking leather brogues and a well positioned pipe. The sort of man who had a well stocked cigar and brandy cabinet to match a broad supply of ale and an eclectically filled cheese larder. Men no longer have letter openers, ink-pots and  quills, personalised silk handkerchiefs, tailors, barbers (proper barbers) and book binders...The waxed moustache, the personal valet and the obligatory pocket-watch are long dead features of the average man on the street. Sadness. 

The following extract is the brilliant manifesto of 'The chap'; a magazine that celebrates the fast fading desire to be gentlemen of class and dignity;

Society has become sick with some nameless malady of the soul. We have become the playthings of corporations intent on converting our world into a gargantuan shopping precinct. Pleasantness and civility are being discarded as the worthless ephemera of a bygone age - an age when men doffed their hats to the ladies, and small children could be counted upon to mind one's Jack Russell while one took a mild and bitter in the local hostelry.

Instead, we live in a world where children are huge hooded creatures lurking in the shadows; the local hostelry has been taken over by a large chain that specialises in chilled lager, whose principal function is to aggravate the nervous system. Needless to say, the Jack Russell is no longer there upon one's return.

The Chap proposes to take a stand against this culture of vulgarity. We must show our children that the things worth fighting for are not the latest plastic plimsolls but a shiny pair of brogues. We must wean them off their alcopops and teach them how to mix martinis. Let the young not be ashamed of their flabby paunches, which they try to hide in their nylon tracksuits - we shall show them how a well-tailored suit can disguise the most ruined of bodies. Finally, let us capitalise on youth's love of peculiar argot Ð only replace their pidgin ghetto-speak with fruity bons mots and dry witticisms.

It is time for Chaps and Chapettes from all walks of life to stand up and be counted. But fear not, ye languid and ye plain idle: ours is a revolution based not on getting up early and exerting oneself - but a revolution that can be achieved by a single raised eyebrow over a monocle; the ordering of a glass of port in All Bar One; the wearing of a particularly fetching cardigan upon a visit to one's bookmaker. In other words: a revolution of panache. We shall bewilder the masses with seams in our trousers that could cut paper, trilbies angled so rakishly that traffic comes to a standstill; and by refusing the bland, watery substances that are foisted upon us by faceless corporations, we shall bring the establishment to its knees, begging for sartorial advice and a nip from our hip flasks.

I will live my entire life secretly wishing I could justify being as old fashioned as possible.

A weekend of adventure

This past weekend me and Rebekah seized upon a rare opportunity to escape the confines of lovely Brighton and see some family. We first took a train (that was very nearly missed!) up to Croydon to see Becks Mum and Brother. It was really nice being outside the usual setting and enjoying some time to relax. Inevitably, Becks and her mum discussed wedding details for much of our time there! There was a lot of snow in Croydon, which was fun, but it also meant we were unsure of whether we could make it to Wales on Friday for an engagement party at my parent's house in Wales. On Friday morning we decided to attempt the drive and brave the roads to get to Wales. The Severn bridges were closed because of huge sheets of ice falling onto cars and smashing windscreens! The photo below shows the third lane of the M4 completely closed because of snow. 

By the time we got to the bridges, the old one had opened and our journey turned out to be fairly void of drama. In fact it was wonderful just spending time with my fiancee, chatting, singing and generally being a pair of goofs. 

The sun going down on the channel as we crossed the bridge was a highlight. 

We arrived at my parent's and had a really great time seeing family, partying, hanging out with old friends, and mucking around in the snow. Back in Brighton, the challenge of a fresh week of work, university, wedding planning, meetings, and the general business of life awaits. 

A lesson to be learned...

I have recently come to some understanding that life is, as much as anything else, a continual journey throughout which important lessons are learned along the way...In recent months I have learned one big lesson- That I AM NOT IN CONROL. 

This is both a liberating and sometimes daunting thing to be reminded of, and it's a lesson that has been often taught to me and others I know 'the hard way'.

Far too often, I slip into the mindset of living my life believing myself to be in the driving seat. After all, I am the one making decisions and taking actions that lead to consequences. I choose where to go and what to do...But then the rug is pulled out from beneath me and I am once again reminded that it is in fact God who has his hands on the wheel. The famous Burns quote "The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay" is one that rings true, often with enough clarity to bring you to your knees. The truth is, no matter what my great and wonderful plans are, I do not control all things.  

As a matter for illustration, take this example; Me and Bex recently bought a car. We had paid the deposit to the owner having found a great deal on a great little motor and were looking forward to receiving it. Within days of paying the deposit, the car had been written off in a crash. Now we are back to the drawing board. Our great and clever plans were out of our hands all along.

The snow that falls from the sky and disrupts the nation, the car that appears and is crushed to a cube within a few days, the friend whose mother becomes ill and dies within 8 weeks, the collapse of an entire economy...all these things remind me that I cannot claim to have any sovereignty over anything. I am living under the mercy and grace of the one who does have control and sovereignty. 

The best thing is, that despite these lessons being painful, I am left feeling stronger. Like an unruly shrub in need of a good pruning, I need to undergo these lessons, in order that I grow stronger and straighter. God is a great gardener, capable of turning useless shrubs like me into strong and straight trees. He prunes and tends to me because he desires to see me grow into a man of the kind of maturity and strength that I could never achieve without being 'pruned' by these lessons. 

I am so glad that it is not me that is in control and feel sorry for those who fail to embrace this truth and live in the good of it.